Thanks Sam Ray for you have well summarized the black-hearted shadow our species suffers from. We will either learn and evolve (and it needs to be rather quickly with Global Warming nipping at our heels) or become extinct.
I divorced an abusive, perverted and severely disordered man 14 years ago. I eventually walked away from every single "friend" I had as well as one "therapist" because if I heard one more "you need to let it go" or "you have to forgive him" or "oh, it couldn't have been that bad" one more time I knew I was going to explode. He stalked me for at least nine years - three years directly, six more with the help of a cadre of flying monkeys including law enforcement. I've survived by making myself quite small but I still have several reasons to be afraid of the man and his stunning ability to appear compassionate and honest.
But I do indict the "weak minded" or, as I have framed it, the inexperienced. I will not forgive those who subtly or not so subtly called me a liar unless and until they beg me.
I so understand. I’ve lived a milder version but the political, financial and social implications are not for the weak. I divorced in 1988 and I cc am still paying, now through my callous adult children who consider me an inconvenience.
Thank you for this article and for drawing attention to this particular problem. I am a psychologist and am frustrated by people's unwillingness to understand the psychopathology of the Cluster Bs. Maybe their brains are unable to process what "intractable" and "incurable" mean and that this goes along with "no sympathy, no empathy, and no remorse". I know I sound like I'm faulting people for not getting it, but it is time to put on the scientist hat and understand what we are dealing with. You don't have to have cancer to understand it. The narcissist only sees others as a reflection of themselves. I see Trump surrounding himself with who have characteristics he thinks he needs to achieve his ultimate goal, which is to rule the world. Once a person no longer reflects back to him that characteristic he needs or admires it will be for them as though they no longer exist, because to Trump they no longer do. Narcissists are black holes. You can't get out of their orbit without damage. After all these years I still see politicians and people in the press who are reacting toward Trump without understanding what they are dealing with. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to reflect back to them what they want to see or be. The only alternative for a malignant narcissist in Trump's state of the psychopathology is to put him in jail. That's what happens to malignant narcissists eventually. They steal, beat their wives, commit murder, etc, because they do not, and are not capable of, participating in society with the rules we have to protect our society. If there is a rule or a law they will break it just because they do not like constraint. If you are dealing with a narcissist, to avoid their narcissistic rage, or their utter condescension and dismissal, you must always reflect back to them what mood or state they are in in that moment. You can never be better or know more or have more than a malignant narcissist because this will wound them and they will try to destroy you for shaming them. If you are less than a malignant narcissist they cannot tolerate you, you are not as "good" as them, and they dismiss you and never think of you again. Or they use and abuse you until such time they don't need you anymore. Trump should have been in jail a long time ago. But people are afraid of him because he uses anger to control the room. He gets loud, he gets big, he gets nasty, and people get afraid. For national security reasons he should have been imprisoned for espionage after the documents case at Mar-A-Lago came to light. But he uses blackmail, money and intimidation and at this point everyone is too afraid to cross him. Eventually, and Putin knows this, he will attempt to dominate Putin. Putin humiliated him and continues to do so, and when he no longer needs Putin, he will go after Putin. Woe to America.
Most welcome CC. My polling has revealed Cluster B is too abstract for most, which is why CNI works to break it down into more interesting, useful & memorable elements.
Regarding the unwillingness to understand the psychopathology (in a slightly different context)
From my experience and a conversation with a therapist I came to believe that many people do not want to understand psychopathology or even just plain human meanness because they might have to acknowledge their own vulnerability. And there we have the birth of victim blaming.
Thank you, but I disagree to a certain extent. I don't think most people refuse to understand. I think it is just beyond the pale perplexing. In my post above, I talked about how hard it is to understand this kind of personality. My experience with one was over 15 years ago, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. Part of it, as you point out, is that they interfere with who you are in order to make you fit their own needs. They force you to choose, which is how people end up as either victims or flying monkeys. A recent article I read in Scientific American was talking about empathy and callousness. This guy was saying that these are not set-in-stone responses in our personality. Rather, they are a choice. This would fit in with the idea of "emotional contagion". An emotional contagion would be when a large number of people choose to be callous (or empathic, but that would be a different post). A thought experiment may go something like this: Put a narcissist in a group of regular people and see how they sort out. Who will be the victim, who will be a flying monkey, and who will just not be a part of it. Whether the narcissist stays in the group or not is likely related to the relative health and stress levels of the group. In my case, a narcissist was introduced into a long standing group of employees. For various reasons, I became the victim. I watched people become flying monkeys and was very perplexed about why they suddenly behaved differently toward me when I had done nothing different. The group was under stress because of a recent renovation to the building that changed a lot of systems, which was why a new position (the narcissist's job), was added. So, in this case, the narcissist did not leave, I was booted out very unceremoniously and blamed for something... but no one was willing (or perhaps able) to say what it was. This was after being part of this group for over 12 years. It was very painful. I would say that I have healed, but still have great curiosity--especially given that I see the same dynamics at play in our society as a whole. After I left (only a couple of people even bothered to say good bye), no one would talk to me or return phone calls or emails. But, I would hear various horror stories from people who knew little bits just in meeting them in the community. Mostly, it was about abuses of power by the administrator. Recently, I met someone who had left recently. Apparently, the administrator had retired a few years back. This place was like a family business, but it was a family that had gone bad. For most of the time I was there, it was a loving group. There were some older people there who had worked there since they were teenagers, who left in disgust. Another who I had seen in the community who had worked there her entire professional career was greatly psychologically diminished but still holding on. When the new administrator came in, there were firings en masse, including the narcissist. A place that had cared little about money was now obsessed. While society has greatly changed, I also think this narcissist acted as a rotten apple in the barrel. The rotten apple gives off chemicals that cause the other apples to rot faster. Trump was a rotten apple to our country. Garland failed to remove him. He is now a rotten apple to the world. Woe to America. Woe to the world, although there may people in the world who are braver than Garland. All the rest of us can do is watch and pray.
I'm sorry you had to experience the Cluster B. I too in my past had a run in with a sociopath who very nearly destroyed my career. I would like to suggest that you stop trying to understand what makes the Cluster B do what they do (I quote you from above, " In my post above, I talked about how hard it is to understand this kind of personality. "). Trying to understand them keeps you sucked in. And at the end of the day you don't have to understand them. You just have to recognize them, and anticipate their nastiness. Cluster Bs are like rabid dogs. You can't train them, negotiate with them, soothe them, they are rabid and they will hurt you. You waste psychic reserves trying to understand them or to feel sorry for them. I don't care how Trump became Trump. Genes, environment, whatever, it makes no difference. He is untreatable. He could be managed, but it would take the effort of everyone in his orbit, and he has been successful in surrounding himself with yes men and people too afraid to contradict him or hold him accountable. And at this point I'm afraid he has on deck paramilitary organizations who want to act like Brown Shirts or the SS. And their psychopathology is a whole other topic of discussion. I hope you have recovered from your ordeal. I woke up one day and the answer was so simple: I was not the a**hole. The narcissistic sociopath was, and yet this person had me spinning for about two years trying to figure out what I had done wrong, could I have done something different, etc etc etc. And it came down to the very simple "I was not the a**hole". That was very liberating to me. Maybe it could work for you, too. And hopefully folks will have the clarity and strength to say "45 really is an a**hole, glad I'm not".
This is so insightful. Do you think MAGA citizens will come to realize that because they voted against "the commies" there is zero chance that the US will get a universal health care system and they will continue to suffer under the for-profit corporate insurance system they hate so much.
Thank you kindly Logan. At this point I'm dubious maga folks have realization in their 🧰.
However, CNI can be used consciously & unconsciously to help the reachable find the realizations they need to see the light & I'm working to secure philanthropic 💰 to do it.
in canada eh - today .. msm is embedded within the faux ‘conservative Harper IDU matrix .. perhaps ‘white male Parasite Hate Club’ is too harsh .. I’m male at 73 .. can smell the orchestration because am a feral orphan.. & hypermedia renegade 🦎🏴☠️🖤
Excellent piece, Sam. I’m afraid we’re going to see more violent actions directed at the healthcare industry, as it’s only going to get worse if the incoming administration has its way. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I’m simply taking what I’ve learned from following you about narcissist, psychopaths, and sociopaths, and applying common sense to what may be in store given the situation. I think it could pretty ugly. Hope I’m making sense. 😎
Thank you for this incredible resource! I wonder if anyone can truly understand the evil of a malignant narcissist, unless they’ve lived with one. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and had no understanding of the nature of her dysfunction, or her resistance to change, until I hit therapy in my 40s. Now I’m able to immediately recognize and avoid them and completely disconnect from any narcissists I managed to attract. And I don’t let anyone gaslight me for not feeling shame about my complete lack of empathy towards such heinous entities.
So sorry you had to live through the ovarian lottery injustice of a narcissist mother. In general, it does often appear that the only people who truly understand the unfathomable darkness of narcissists are survivors. Interestingly, almost every therapist I have ever talked to about it say they had a narcissist parent.
I seem to be an exception to your quiry. I gained my expertise by helping to save a friend, so the tactical trauma I observed & experienced very closely via narcissistic abuse was not my own. There are some other factors that helped me see more that most but, we need 🌎 to understand & act accordingly, so it is a puzzle I will keep using CNI to solve.
It’s insidious. I find people who don’t have a clue about narcissism. After I described it to one lady, she exclaimed, “Oh my God, I think my husband is a narcissist!
💯 - Predictably I have had that conversation many times as well. As you may have seen in my writing, I thought I knew the psych reasonably well but shortly after I started studying it on my friend’s behalf, I realized almost everything I thought I knew was wrong.
The gun lobbies dismissive response to mass shootings and the same dismissive response to health insurance abuse are very similar. When a mass shooting happens we are told to focus on "thoughts and prayers" and that focusing on reform at this "difficult time" is itself objectionable (and we are bad people for doing it). When a healthcare CEO is shot we are not to focus on the myriad abuses of patients in the healthcare system. Instead we are told we are disgusting people for celebrating the CEO murderer (most arent) to continue to dismiss those advocating for healthcare reform itself.
I cannot even add anything more than Bravo to this. I recently stopped therapy with someone I liked on the level but recognized a ton of flaws that may have leaned toward narcissism. For example, I told him how I felt shut down by my husband, who proceeded to lie to my rheumatologist and tell her my weight gain had been caused by eating a bunch of Starburst candies he had bought for the kids. I had not, as I had been too nauseated to eat much of anything, let alone candy--this was before I learned I needed to have my gallbladder removed, and I was bloating immensely due to that. The Doctor seemed confused as to why I was upset. When I mentioned the fact that he made me look like a liar and potentially jeopardized my relationship with my doctor, he there--there me, joked about how he fantasized about killing his wife at times and how spouses tend to get on our nerves. He also believed that Kamala Harris was some little prosecutor who needed to sit down and play at being a trial lawyer, not run for president. Aside from having a whip-smart sense of humor in some cases, I could not deal with someone who would mitigate my perspective or make it appear I needed to accept unacceptable treatment. The experience has made me not want to go back to therapy even though I have been diagnosed with CPTSD.
Thanks for sharing Alicia. I've watched psychs be wrong about my little sis since I was a kid, and it continues with a lot of pro analysis of narcissists, but there are some good ones out there. Perhaps sometime in the near future we can have a private conversation where I can share some CNI related intel that should be useful. 🤗
Excellent article Sam. Thank you for what you do. You captured everything I have been trying to communicate after living among various levels of this personality type for I have been living among for decades.
Legitimate fear of violence will hold back action by many narcissists. At least until they figure out how to neutralize or eliminate that threat.
Nation against Nation is one thing.
The lone wolf who has quietly triggered but has learned to hide and mask pose the biggest threat to the ones who are trying to control our lives.
So I'm sitting here eating my breakfast watching the neighbor, as is typical, let her pit bulls out as she heads to church. She does not have a fence. I don't walk my dog without a slingshot in my hand. Another dog walker calls the woman every time the dogs are running on the street. The neighbors on the other side of me turn around and take their dog home if the pit bulls are loose. I just scream profanity and pick up another handful of rocks. My skills have improved over the years but I think the dogs have come to fear my voice alone. Animal control has done nothing for what is now going on 30 years even after several attacks on other dogs. She seems to like aggressive dogs - funny isn't it.
There are a few people on this street who know otherwise but many in this town seem to believe she is an angel sent to earth. Her grandson is a sheriff deputy. I had to open my door to him standing there with his hand on his nightstick while he criticized the manner in which I opened the door and told me I was "standing aggressively". I am 65 years old, 5'2" and barely clear 100 pounds. I guess I scared him.
His particular forms of harassment lessened after he followed my sister (probably mistaking her for me) and tried to arrest her while she was feeding another neighbor's cats. There is no record of the interaction because he wrote notes on the back of his hand and had a fake conversation into a radio that was not even turned on. He demanded to see her driver's license (she had walked so did not have it) and refused to acknowledge the keys she was dangling in front of his face. When she got home she said she was afraid he was going to tackle her in the doorway. 70 years old. 5'3", barely 100 pounds.
Once again most people refer to him as a blessing to the community and he is a lay pastor on Sunday mornings. Nope - can't make this shite up and I probably would struggle to believe the stories I can tell. Nevertheless I do indict the weak minded bystanders. Their ignorance - often quite willful I believe - puts the lives of other people in danger. They do not deserve my respect or forgiveness.
AI just informed me that a little over 1% of the population is likely disordered but research suggests that as much as 30% of the population demonstrates psychopathic traits. I'd go with the 30% - either that or a small town seems to collect them in larger numbers.
Thank you! I have been so happy about this execution and I had only a murky understanding of the psychology that formed my reaction. You clarified the reason for my attitude so succinctly! In 1957 soWhen I was 7 I asked my parents why no one had shot Hitler. My parents told me many people had tried. Because at the age of 7 I was learning my catechism, I asked them if that would have been murder. I remember the puzzling incomplete answer that I got then -and that I have gotten so many times since. You answered that question so very well today! And my 7 (x 10) year old conscience is smiling in righteous vindication!
I think the narcissist Blackened Rule is, "Do to others what you accuse them of doing to you, then blame them for it." I always find it amazing that, in a time when there is so much more sophisticated knowledge of narcissism, we fall into the same traps over and over again. Knowledge, however, is not understanding. People still want to fit in with the group. They still want to believe that someone else will save them even if that person lies like a rug. Or, in my case, that everyone is inherently good and deserves the benefit of the doubt. While that is true on the deepest deepest level, if you don't keep a level of interpersonal skepticism and awareness in this world, there will always be someone who is perfectly willing to take advantage and crush you for their own good. It is an unfortunate lesson, but an important one. And I think people who have not had that experience personally usually do not understand the level of malevolence that some people are capable of. That is why we now are looking at a new government that is perfectly willing to take advantage of us and crush us for the billions of dollars they will undoubtedly squeeze out of us "for their own good". And there will be those who will love it even as they starve and suffer because "he says he loves me" or whatever keeps their gaslight going.
Thanks Sam Ray for you have well summarized the black-hearted shadow our species suffers from. We will either learn and evolve (and it needs to be rather quickly with Global Warming nipping at our heels) or become extinct.
💯 - CNI's mission is to help humans learn and evolve before it's too late.
I divorced an abusive, perverted and severely disordered man 14 years ago. I eventually walked away from every single "friend" I had as well as one "therapist" because if I heard one more "you need to let it go" or "you have to forgive him" or "oh, it couldn't have been that bad" one more time I knew I was going to explode. He stalked me for at least nine years - three years directly, six more with the help of a cadre of flying monkeys including law enforcement. I've survived by making myself quite small but I still have several reasons to be afraid of the man and his stunning ability to appear compassionate and honest.
But I do indict the "weak minded" or, as I have framed it, the inexperienced. I will not forgive those who subtly or not so subtly called me a liar unless and until they beg me.
So sorry you went through such injustice. I agree on an individual level, weak 🧠s suck.
I so understand. I’ve lived a milder version but the political, financial and social implications are not for the weak. I divorced in 1988 and I cc am still paying, now through my callous adult children who consider me an inconvenience.
I wish saying I am sorry could mean what I would like it to mean.
When I think about the judgement you lived with from seemingly normal people doesn’t it make you wonder who is practicing Christian charity?
Oh no, sorry doesn’t cut it in this society as everything is so orchestrated.
I understand and hear you! What you experienced was valid, real, and life-changing, fuck those nimrods--they do not deserve you! *hugs*
Thank you for this article and for drawing attention to this particular problem. I am a psychologist and am frustrated by people's unwillingness to understand the psychopathology of the Cluster Bs. Maybe their brains are unable to process what "intractable" and "incurable" mean and that this goes along with "no sympathy, no empathy, and no remorse". I know I sound like I'm faulting people for not getting it, but it is time to put on the scientist hat and understand what we are dealing with. You don't have to have cancer to understand it. The narcissist only sees others as a reflection of themselves. I see Trump surrounding himself with who have characteristics he thinks he needs to achieve his ultimate goal, which is to rule the world. Once a person no longer reflects back to him that characteristic he needs or admires it will be for them as though they no longer exist, because to Trump they no longer do. Narcissists are black holes. You can't get out of their orbit without damage. After all these years I still see politicians and people in the press who are reacting toward Trump without understanding what they are dealing with. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to reflect back to them what they want to see or be. The only alternative for a malignant narcissist in Trump's state of the psychopathology is to put him in jail. That's what happens to malignant narcissists eventually. They steal, beat their wives, commit murder, etc, because they do not, and are not capable of, participating in society with the rules we have to protect our society. If there is a rule or a law they will break it just because they do not like constraint. If you are dealing with a narcissist, to avoid their narcissistic rage, or their utter condescension and dismissal, you must always reflect back to them what mood or state they are in in that moment. You can never be better or know more or have more than a malignant narcissist because this will wound them and they will try to destroy you for shaming them. If you are less than a malignant narcissist they cannot tolerate you, you are not as "good" as them, and they dismiss you and never think of you again. Or they use and abuse you until such time they don't need you anymore. Trump should have been in jail a long time ago. But people are afraid of him because he uses anger to control the room. He gets loud, he gets big, he gets nasty, and people get afraid. For national security reasons he should have been imprisoned for espionage after the documents case at Mar-A-Lago came to light. But he uses blackmail, money and intimidation and at this point everyone is too afraid to cross him. Eventually, and Putin knows this, he will attempt to dominate Putin. Putin humiliated him and continues to do so, and when he no longer needs Putin, he will go after Putin. Woe to America.
Most welcome CC. My polling has revealed Cluster B is too abstract for most, which is why CNI works to break it down into more interesting, useful & memorable elements.
Regarding the unwillingness to understand the psychopathology (in a slightly different context)
From my experience and a conversation with a therapist I came to believe that many people do not want to understand psychopathology or even just plain human meanness because they might have to acknowledge their own vulnerability. And there we have the birth of victim blaming.
Thank you, but I disagree to a certain extent. I don't think most people refuse to understand. I think it is just beyond the pale perplexing. In my post above, I talked about how hard it is to understand this kind of personality. My experience with one was over 15 years ago, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. Part of it, as you point out, is that they interfere with who you are in order to make you fit their own needs. They force you to choose, which is how people end up as either victims or flying monkeys. A recent article I read in Scientific American was talking about empathy and callousness. This guy was saying that these are not set-in-stone responses in our personality. Rather, they are a choice. This would fit in with the idea of "emotional contagion". An emotional contagion would be when a large number of people choose to be callous (or empathic, but that would be a different post). A thought experiment may go something like this: Put a narcissist in a group of regular people and see how they sort out. Who will be the victim, who will be a flying monkey, and who will just not be a part of it. Whether the narcissist stays in the group or not is likely related to the relative health and stress levels of the group. In my case, a narcissist was introduced into a long standing group of employees. For various reasons, I became the victim. I watched people become flying monkeys and was very perplexed about why they suddenly behaved differently toward me when I had done nothing different. The group was under stress because of a recent renovation to the building that changed a lot of systems, which was why a new position (the narcissist's job), was added. So, in this case, the narcissist did not leave, I was booted out very unceremoniously and blamed for something... but no one was willing (or perhaps able) to say what it was. This was after being part of this group for over 12 years. It was very painful. I would say that I have healed, but still have great curiosity--especially given that I see the same dynamics at play in our society as a whole. After I left (only a couple of people even bothered to say good bye), no one would talk to me or return phone calls or emails. But, I would hear various horror stories from people who knew little bits just in meeting them in the community. Mostly, it was about abuses of power by the administrator. Recently, I met someone who had left recently. Apparently, the administrator had retired a few years back. This place was like a family business, but it was a family that had gone bad. For most of the time I was there, it was a loving group. There were some older people there who had worked there since they were teenagers, who left in disgust. Another who I had seen in the community who had worked there her entire professional career was greatly psychologically diminished but still holding on. When the new administrator came in, there were firings en masse, including the narcissist. A place that had cared little about money was now obsessed. While society has greatly changed, I also think this narcissist acted as a rotten apple in the barrel. The rotten apple gives off chemicals that cause the other apples to rot faster. Trump was a rotten apple to our country. Garland failed to remove him. He is now a rotten apple to the world. Woe to America. Woe to the world, although there may people in the world who are braver than Garland. All the rest of us can do is watch and pray.
I'm sorry you had to experience the Cluster B. I too in my past had a run in with a sociopath who very nearly destroyed my career. I would like to suggest that you stop trying to understand what makes the Cluster B do what they do (I quote you from above, " In my post above, I talked about how hard it is to understand this kind of personality. "). Trying to understand them keeps you sucked in. And at the end of the day you don't have to understand them. You just have to recognize them, and anticipate their nastiness. Cluster Bs are like rabid dogs. You can't train them, negotiate with them, soothe them, they are rabid and they will hurt you. You waste psychic reserves trying to understand them or to feel sorry for them. I don't care how Trump became Trump. Genes, environment, whatever, it makes no difference. He is untreatable. He could be managed, but it would take the effort of everyone in his orbit, and he has been successful in surrounding himself with yes men and people too afraid to contradict him or hold him accountable. And at this point I'm afraid he has on deck paramilitary organizations who want to act like Brown Shirts or the SS. And their psychopathology is a whole other topic of discussion. I hope you have recovered from your ordeal. I woke up one day and the answer was so simple: I was not the a**hole. The narcissistic sociopath was, and yet this person had me spinning for about two years trying to figure out what I had done wrong, could I have done something different, etc etc etc. And it came down to the very simple "I was not the a**hole". That was very liberating to me. Maybe it could work for you, too. And hopefully folks will have the clarity and strength to say "45 really is an a**hole, glad I'm not".
This is so insightful. Do you think MAGA citizens will come to realize that because they voted against "the commies" there is zero chance that the US will get a universal health care system and they will continue to suffer under the for-profit corporate insurance system they hate so much.
Thank you kindly Logan. At this point I'm dubious maga folks have realization in their 🧰.
However, CNI can be used consciously & unconsciously to help the reachable find the realizations they need to see the light & I'm working to secure philanthropic 💰 to do it.
Not unless the msm changes.
in canada eh - today .. msm is embedded within the faux ‘conservative Harper IDU matrix .. perhaps ‘white male Parasite Hate Club’ is too harsh .. I’m male at 73 .. can smell the orchestration because am a feral orphan.. & hypermedia renegade 🦎🏴☠️🖤
Excellent piece, Sam. I’m afraid we’re going to see more violent actions directed at the healthcare industry, as it’s only going to get worse if the incoming administration has its way. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I’m simply taking what I’ve learned from following you about narcissist, psychopaths, and sociopaths, and applying common sense to what may be in store given the situation. I think it could pretty ugly. Hope I’m making sense. 😎
✨Excellent read with which I fully agree ! ✨
Thank you for this incredible resource! I wonder if anyone can truly understand the evil of a malignant narcissist, unless they’ve lived with one. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and had no understanding of the nature of her dysfunction, or her resistance to change, until I hit therapy in my 40s. Now I’m able to immediately recognize and avoid them and completely disconnect from any narcissists I managed to attract. And I don’t let anyone gaslight me for not feeling shame about my complete lack of empathy towards such heinous entities.
So sorry you had to live through the ovarian lottery injustice of a narcissist mother. In general, it does often appear that the only people who truly understand the unfathomable darkness of narcissists are survivors. Interestingly, almost every therapist I have ever talked to about it say they had a narcissist parent.
I seem to be an exception to your quiry. I gained my expertise by helping to save a friend, so the tactical trauma I observed & experienced very closely via narcissistic abuse was not my own. There are some other factors that helped me see more that most but, we need 🌎 to understand & act accordingly, so it is a puzzle I will keep using CNI to solve.
Thanks for your efforts to get the word out. Malignant narcissist are the worst threat to the health and happiness of people on this planet.
It’s just so hard for people to wrap their heads around how anyone can really be evil.
💯 - That is why one of CNI's primary purposes is to simplify the psych.
Most welcome. I was shocked to discover this 🌎 epidemic in the shadows.
It’s insidious. I find people who don’t have a clue about narcissism. After I described it to one lady, she exclaimed, “Oh my God, I think my husband is a narcissist!
💯 - Predictably I have had that conversation many times as well. As you may have seen in my writing, I thought I knew the psych reasonably well but shortly after I started studying it on my friend’s behalf, I realized almost everything I thought I knew was wrong.
The gun lobbies dismissive response to mass shootings and the same dismissive response to health insurance abuse are very similar. When a mass shooting happens we are told to focus on "thoughts and prayers" and that focusing on reform at this "difficult time" is itself objectionable (and we are bad people for doing it). When a healthcare CEO is shot we are not to focus on the myriad abuses of patients in the healthcare system. Instead we are told we are disgusting people for celebrating the CEO murderer (most arent) to continue to dismiss those advocating for healthcare reform itself.
Great illustrations. A picture is worth a thousand words.
Thank you Sam, very much appreciate you! Great work you do, very helpful for me & anyone lucky enough to follow you! 🫶
Thank you Kelly for your kinds words and support. 🫶
I cannot even add anything more than Bravo to this. I recently stopped therapy with someone I liked on the level but recognized a ton of flaws that may have leaned toward narcissism. For example, I told him how I felt shut down by my husband, who proceeded to lie to my rheumatologist and tell her my weight gain had been caused by eating a bunch of Starburst candies he had bought for the kids. I had not, as I had been too nauseated to eat much of anything, let alone candy--this was before I learned I needed to have my gallbladder removed, and I was bloating immensely due to that. The Doctor seemed confused as to why I was upset. When I mentioned the fact that he made me look like a liar and potentially jeopardized my relationship with my doctor, he there--there me, joked about how he fantasized about killing his wife at times and how spouses tend to get on our nerves. He also believed that Kamala Harris was some little prosecutor who needed to sit down and play at being a trial lawyer, not run for president. Aside from having a whip-smart sense of humor in some cases, I could not deal with someone who would mitigate my perspective or make it appear I needed to accept unacceptable treatment. The experience has made me not want to go back to therapy even though I have been diagnosed with CPTSD.
Thanks for sharing Alicia. I've watched psychs be wrong about my little sis since I was a kid, and it continues with a lot of pro analysis of narcissists, but there are some good ones out there. Perhaps sometime in the near future we can have a private conversation where I can share some CNI related intel that should be useful. 🤗
Excellent article Sam. Thank you for what you do. You captured everything I have been trying to communicate after living among various levels of this personality type for I have been living among for decades.
Legitimate fear of violence will hold back action by many narcissists. At least until they figure out how to neutralize or eliminate that threat.
Nation against Nation is one thing.
The lone wolf who has quietly triggered but has learned to hide and mask pose the biggest threat to the ones who are trying to control our lives.
.. about time someone got this nightmare out on the slab .. for a look at the nature of the beast
🦎🏴☠️🖤
So I'm sitting here eating my breakfast watching the neighbor, as is typical, let her pit bulls out as she heads to church. She does not have a fence. I don't walk my dog without a slingshot in my hand. Another dog walker calls the woman every time the dogs are running on the street. The neighbors on the other side of me turn around and take their dog home if the pit bulls are loose. I just scream profanity and pick up another handful of rocks. My skills have improved over the years but I think the dogs have come to fear my voice alone. Animal control has done nothing for what is now going on 30 years even after several attacks on other dogs. She seems to like aggressive dogs - funny isn't it.
There are a few people on this street who know otherwise but many in this town seem to believe she is an angel sent to earth. Her grandson is a sheriff deputy. I had to open my door to him standing there with his hand on his nightstick while he criticized the manner in which I opened the door and told me I was "standing aggressively". I am 65 years old, 5'2" and barely clear 100 pounds. I guess I scared him.
His particular forms of harassment lessened after he followed my sister (probably mistaking her for me) and tried to arrest her while she was feeding another neighbor's cats. There is no record of the interaction because he wrote notes on the back of his hand and had a fake conversation into a radio that was not even turned on. He demanded to see her driver's license (she had walked so did not have it) and refused to acknowledge the keys she was dangling in front of his face. When she got home she said she was afraid he was going to tackle her in the doorway. 70 years old. 5'3", barely 100 pounds.
Once again most people refer to him as a blessing to the community and he is a lay pastor on Sunday mornings. Nope - can't make this shite up and I probably would struggle to believe the stories I can tell. Nevertheless I do indict the weak minded bystanders. Their ignorance - often quite willful I believe - puts the lives of other people in danger. They do not deserve my respect or forgiveness.
AI just informed me that a little over 1% of the population is likely disordered but research suggests that as much as 30% of the population demonstrates psychopathic traits. I'd go with the 30% - either that or a small town seems to collect them in larger numbers.
Thank you! I have been so happy about this execution and I had only a murky understanding of the psychology that formed my reaction. You clarified the reason for my attitude so succinctly! In 1957 soWhen I was 7 I asked my parents why no one had shot Hitler. My parents told me many people had tried. Because at the age of 7 I was learning my catechism, I asked them if that would have been murder. I remember the puzzling incomplete answer that I got then -and that I have gotten so many times since. You answered that question so very well today! And my 7 (x 10) year old conscience is smiling in righteous vindication!
I think the narcissist Blackened Rule is, "Do to others what you accuse them of doing to you, then blame them for it." I always find it amazing that, in a time when there is so much more sophisticated knowledge of narcissism, we fall into the same traps over and over again. Knowledge, however, is not understanding. People still want to fit in with the group. They still want to believe that someone else will save them even if that person lies like a rug. Or, in my case, that everyone is inherently good and deserves the benefit of the doubt. While that is true on the deepest deepest level, if you don't keep a level of interpersonal skepticism and awareness in this world, there will always be someone who is perfectly willing to take advantage and crush you for their own good. It is an unfortunate lesson, but an important one. And I think people who have not had that experience personally usually do not understand the level of malevolence that some people are capable of. That is why we now are looking at a new government that is perfectly willing to take advantage of us and crush us for the billions of dollars they will undoubtedly squeeze out of us "for their own good". And there will be those who will love it even as they starve and suffer because "he says he loves me" or whatever keeps their gaslight going.